闹失踪

对不起，不是失踪了，只是妈妈我最近很忙。每天上课、下课、改作业、会议、报告…… 哪来的时间和闲情写博客。所以各位观众，不好意思，好久没有我们的消息。

我会尽量抽时间上载些照片的。

昨晚，难得和老公抽空一起去看了场演出。

《老九》是实践郭宝崑节的其中一部演出。2005年，《老九》首度改编为音乐剧，但实践这一次是推翻了首版《老九》音乐剧的版本，以全新的创作和阵容重新演绎郭宝崑最通俗易懂的作品之一。

老九，家中排行第九的独子。被家人寄以厚望的他，有机会问鼎一项极具声望的奖学金。就在即将迈向光辉前途的重要关头，他犹豫了。原来他想继续学习自己热爱而又濒临失传的传统木偶表演艺术。究竟老九会追求自己的理想，还是步上领取奖学金的光明大道？游走于理想与现实、传统与现代之间，他该作何抉择？

这部剧让我有共鸣。我曾经也背负着家人寄以厚望重重的担子，压在双肩的重担让我变得胆小、没有主见。现为人母，我才发觉到原来父母是无意让孩子背上承重的负担的。但是爱往往让人变得盲目、让你在有意无意间为孩子铺路，不管那是否是孩子所选择要走的路。

时时得警惕自己：不要因为爱、因为寄以厚望，而抹杀了孩子心里的老九。让孩子有足够的空间、勇气和决心去追逐梦想、实现愿望。让孩子有作选择的自由！

iSad

Steve Jobs - the remarkable legend passed away on 5 October 2011. As the world mourns his death, it made me ponder and reflect on my life.

He delivered one of the most inspiring speeches at Stanford University's commencement ceremony in 2005. He urged graduates to see opportunities in life's setbacks, even death.

"No one wants to die.
Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there.
And yet death is the destination we all share.
No one has ever escaped it.
And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life.
It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.
Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away.
Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.


Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.
Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.
Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.
And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
They somehow already know what you truly want to become.
Everything else is secondary."

If you were to live your own life, what life would it be?

His words would perhaps be the most wise advice and the brightest guiding light for parents, who will then pass on and instill in their children.

Find your passion, follow your heart and conquer your life.

Mad at Dad

Daddy!!! Read this!!!

http://www.parenting.com/article/mad-at-dad?page=0%2C1&dom=tw&src=soc

Adding life to their years

This is one of my favourite quotations of all time by Abraham Lincoln: "In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."

True enough, as parents, we are always striving to add life into our kids' years, hoping that we have instill strong values, a tenacity to fight life's adversities, independence and confidence, love, compassion and passion in them.

Hubby is not good with his words, but he is a wise man. He knows the kind of father he wants to be to his kids and it shows through his parenting style. He is a doting father and never fails to lament how fast his kids grow up and how much he wants to be there when they are growing up. He envisions that his kids will grow up to be strong and talented individuals. When that happens, he hopes that they will look back fondly at their childhood and realized how much he has been present and how much he has added life to their years, just as much as they had added to his.

50 Rules for Dads of Daughters

Dads for Life shared a wonderful article on Facebook titled "50 Rules for Dads of Daughters". I read it and was very touched by it.

Because of it, I chanced upon this wonderful site lifetoheryears.com. Do check it out, it's wonderful!

A love measured in memories

As Father's Day draws near, I thought I want to post a tribute to my Dad who has been my pillar of strength and who has instilled in me strong values.

What I like most about Dad is that he is always there. We are not well-to-do. To make ends meet, Mom and Dad worked two jobs each, and yet almost every other month, Dad had to ask for advance salary from his employer.

Life got better for us after Dad got his taxi license and started driving a cab for a living. Mom was then able to stay home and took care of me. Mom was the disciplinarian at home then and she watched over my studies closely to ensure that I did my best to go to good schools. I was caned even when I scored 99 marks for my tests/exams so long as the 1 mark deducted was due to carelessness. That was how I was trained since young to set high expectations for myself and to be meticulous in my work.

Every night, I would stay awake to wait patiently for Dad to return home. Sometimes, when he got home a little later, I would get worried and would cry for him. I remembered back then in our old home in Bedok, I like to lie on him on our green sofa to watch TV while drinking milo. As a taxi driver, he was working every day, rain or shine. But he would always find time to bring us out during school holidays. Every day, he will find time to have breakfast with me before sending me to school. Quite frequently, he would take the trouble to pick me up from school and drop me home. Dad has NEVER beaten me. He has scolded me before, but never had he raised his hand to beat me. So the image of him has always been that of a loving, doting father.

Dad lost both his parents at a young age and has to quit school to fend for himself. He vowed never to let his child go through what he went through. So no matter how tough life was, I was given all that I needed and much more than some of my peers. I went for piano classes, tried out ballet classes. Dad even bought me a piano and cramped it into our 3-room flat. I never felt even a tiny tinge of inferiority.

Dad taught me integrity - we worked hard for what we want. We may be poor but we never need to beg and borrow from anyone. We stood firm and strong on our own feet. 做人要有骨气，人穷志不穷。

Dad taught me generosity. True wealth is never about how much money you have, how big a house you own, or how much jewellery you wore, it's having a generous heart.

Dad taught me independence and trust in myself. Since young, I was taught to do things by myself. 靠自己才是最实际的.

Dad taught me strength and perserverance. He said, through adversities, you will only emerge stronger.

Dad taught me gratitude. 饮水思源 - that's what he always say.

Above all, Dad taught me love and the importance of family. I have very strong bonding with Mom and Dad. We were like friends. And up till today, Mom and Dad will still hold hands when they are out. They showed me how mutual respect, trust and love can sustain a marriage, even in tough times.

I always say that I want to marry a man like my Dad and looking at my hubby now, I do see some resemblance. Hubby is also a family man, a loving husband and a doting father.

I happened to read this article on the Dads for Life website (dadsforlife.sg) and thought it was a very touching story to share.

And to the 2 most important men in my life, Happy Father's Day!

A love measured in memories
by Jason Wong

A large part of my working life was spent behind bars - as a prison officer. For 17 years, I was surrounded by inmates from different backgrounds; drug addicts and hardcore criminals, among others. I saw first-hand what bad or absent parenting, especially fathering, could do to children and adults.

I knew early on in my own family life (picture), from watching these men and their lives, what kind of father I wanted to be. In recent years, I have been working with at-risk children and youths and multi-problem families, and have been struck by the absence of a father-figure in their lives.

My professional life has taught me a simple principle I hold very dear: It is easier to build boys and children than to fix men and adults.

A few years ago, I did what an article suggested: Close my eyes and recall scenes of my dad and myself.

What I "saw" was me waiting eagerly outside my house for dad to return (he worked in a shipyard) because I missed him; him holding my right hand and teaching me to write Chinese characters - he was educated only up to Primary 4 in China; me snuggling up to his side at night to hear stories of his childhood and how he came to Singapore; his constant advice to me to study hard, not to smoke and drink.

I think about what I would want my daughter and son to recall if they were put through a similar exercise years from now. I hope they would be images of lasting memories we have created for ourselves, of time spent together, playing board games and bedtime routines.

I am reminded of a saying that "if you want to be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today".

My commitment to family life was not a natural occurrence. Some years ago, I had a terrible day at work. And what do fathers do after a bad day? We come home and sit in front of our favourite "box" - the Xbox, the computer, the television.

Mine was the TV. This was how I de-stressed. That night, I was watching an early episode of American Idol where contestants made fools of themselves.

My wife asked why I was not helping her with the kids. I didn't want to bother her with my work problems, so I kept quiet. That night, we didn't talk to each other.

The next day I received a long email from her in which she expressed her unhappiness. In the last paragraph, she shared that, while everyone else looked up to me, at work or within my other circles, no one knew what I was like at home.

This was my wake-up call - no point being a hero outside and a zero at home!

I stopped watching TV (I've since resumed watching a bit as my kids are older now). I read to my children, play board games with them and tuck my son into bed at night.

A couple of years ago, I received the best Father's Day gift ever. My son gave me a hand-drawn card. Each page had a picture and a sentence like "Thank you for reading books to me" or "Thank you for telling me ghost stories". When I held that card in my hand, I knew it was all worth the sacrifice.

My dad has been my hero. I am what I am because of the sacrifices he made for his family. I spent a fair bit of time with him at the hospital early this year when he was being treated for cancer. Once, while I was following him closely on a trip to the bathroom to make sure I'd be there to catch him if he fell, it dawned upon me that that was what my dad did for me when I was a little toddler - walking behind me, watching me carefully, ready to dive forward to catch me.

On another occasion, when he was staying with me after his discharge from hospital, I took him downstairs for a walk.

All of a sudden, my dad turned to me and, with a twinkle in his eyes, said: "When you were young, I took you out for walks. Now, you take me out for walks."

As we rested on a bench, my 10-year-old son came up to sit with us. My dad looked at my son and said in dialect: "Your dad looks after you now. Make sure you look after your dad when he is old, just like what he is doing for me now."

My son smiled and nodded, and flew off to play again.

The richness of a father's love is best measured in the lasting memories we leave for our children.

These memories will one day guide them and comfort them as they comfort me.

Jason Wong is part of the team involved in setting up the Dads for Life movement.
http://www.todayonline.com/Columns/ParenttoParent/EDC110529-0000007/A-love-measured-in-memories

This is the way I want to teach my kids

I may be going away to Cambodia some time in September for a service learning trip with my students. I am looking forward to it. We will be travelling to Siem Reap and working to improve the living conditions for the Ballangk commune. We will also be working with the Green Gecko Project (http://www.greengeckoproject.org/) to develop a mini museum for them. The Green Gecko project (GGP) is an NGO founded to benefit the street children in Siem Reap. Its objective is to support children who are ex-beggars, empower them with skills, education, care and support to enable them to break the begging cycle and live to their highest potential. It also provides shelter, care and stability for those physically battered or psychologically in need. It also promotes family integration, which includes micro business projects to help the children’ destitute families.

As much as I have sponsored children in Vietnam, I have not been on a mission physically to make even the slightest difference in these less priviledged children's life.

It is my hope that one day, I will embark on such service learning trips with Tessa and Dylan. And for such trips to become a family tradition. It is normal for parents to want to give their children a comfortable life. But instilling the right values and developing their character are crucial to raising responsible, passionate and compassionate human beings. Even if it means to inject discomfort into their lives.

I strongly believe that a person's true wealth isn't about having vast possessions, but a generous heart. I wish that my kids appreciate and practice generosity.

After reading this article on Dads for Life website (dadsforlife.sg), I am even more resolved to setting this family tradition.


Dr John Ng: Compassionate Dad Raises Kids with Hearts of Gold

Dr John Ng, a father to three active teenage children, is the Honorary Chair of EMCC (Eagles Mediation & Counselling Centre). He received his PhD in interpersonal Communication from Northwestern University, USA. An expert in mediation and conflict management, John is also EMCC’s Mediation Consultant and provides mediation training. He is an appointed mediator with the Singapore Mediation Centre as well as Ministry of Law.

A Wake-Up Call for Daddy

Today, children have too much and take too many things for granted. They have so much, enjoy so little, and complain too much. The biggest jolt came when I saw how my then 10 year-old daughter treated the maid: demanding water whenever she wanted it, getting the maid to tie her shoe laces, pouting or shouting at the maid when she did not do things her way. I realised then that I was raising a monster at home!

A New Mission for the Family

In order to inculcate in our children more compassion for others, my wife and I sent them on a mission trip to spend time with the poor in Hyderabad. My oldest daughter went when she was 11. Every year since then, they will go on such mission trips on their own accord. Using their own allowance, they are now sponsoring children from poorer countries.

Enabling Experiences That Teach

I did not realise how much that has changed them until my oldest daughter wrote: “Ever since I set foot in the slums of Hyderabad at age 11, my view of life and the world as I knew it changed drastically. I saw poverty first hand, and met children my age who had no access to clean water or a proper education. However, what shocked me the most was not the conditions that these children were living in, but the incredible joy they had. Their smiles and laughter forced me to think about my life and inspired me to dedicate my energy to working on issues of poverty, injustice and human rights. I knew my dreams were to work on the ground with people — people who remind me that life is to be rejoiced.”

Now a Proud Daddy

My daughter has since started the “Amber Initiative” to help the children of prostitutes in Asia. Her vision is to challenge and empower youths to be involved in organisations that serve these people.

It is this compassionate heart that will keep my children sensitive to the needs of other people, move them to action, change their perspective of life and make them more generous towards others. That is why I applaud any initiative by the government to sensitize our youths to the disenfranchised in our cities.

By involving them in social work, delivering gifts to the poor, spending time with the elderly, taking handicapped children for activities, or even raising funds for causes, these initiatives help to make them more compassionate. As a father, I want to encourage these efforts and even join my children in such activities.

Like Father, Like Child

We can set examples for our children and help them become more compassionate towards the less fortunate. This will truly bring out the beauty of our children. Finally, what I want to inculcate in my children is to be humble. It is important to heed the words of one of the greatest college basketball coaches in the U.S., John Wooden: “Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.”

This is an adapted excerpt from Dim Sum for the Family by EMCC (Eagles Mediation & Counselling Centre), a not-for-profit organisation that is committed towards building a society that fosters and maintains positive and supportive relationships through the promulgation of peacemaking.

Established in 1997, EMCC became a full member of the National Council of Social Service (NCSS) in 2000 and is today an approved Institute of Public Character (IPC). It is the only charity in Singapore www.emcc.org.sg with the expertise to provide integrative services in mediation and counselling.

Interview with Dr Ken Canfield

Another article I read on Dads for Life website (dadsforlife.sg).

Dr Ken Canfield: Being Dad is One of the Most Important Jobs You Will Ever Have

Dr Ken Canfield, the keynote speaker for the Dads for Life (DFL) Conference 2011 on 27 May at the Suntec City Convention Centre, has taken on many roles in a gratifying life journey: Pioneer of a fatherhood initiative, Avid Learner on all things related to the topic, as well as - more crucially - Husband, Dad and Granddad. And, in these roles, there have been challenges to be overcome and accomplishments to be celebrated.
 
In an e-mail interview with The DFL Resource Team, Dr Canfield shares about reflecting on, persevering in, and enjoying oneself, in every stage of life, both professionally and personally. His hope is for all dads to appreciate the privilege of fatherhood, and to become acutely aware about the how important they are in their children lives. He also shares about what has been most challenging and satisfying for him as a dad of five children, and now as a granddad.
 
“…your role as a father is indeed one of the most important jobs you will ever have. And no one but you, can activate that role in the unique way which you are privileged to do.”   ~ Dr Ken Canfield
 
What has the journey been like for you as the founder and past-president of National Center for Fathering (USA)?
Being the founder of the National Center for Fathering has been very gratifying. Through my investment of 20 years I have been able watch culture, programming and the research literature become more responsive to fathers in general. There is considerable work to be done, yet we must celebrate what has been accomplished.
 
How would you encourage the men in the DFL movement to persevere in their endeavours?
The reality that there is a DFL movement is exciting. Perhaps one of the greatest ways to identify the DFL accomplishments is to ask fathers, what are they doing differently or in greater measure when compared to their fathers or the fathers of the prior generation?
 
Moreover, what aspirations do the DFL fathers have for their children as they form families and become grandfathers? This celebration can integrate both historical achievements and aspirational goals for the next generation.
 
I do believe the founders or leaders of any movement need to be honoured, thus it will be one of my goals to honour those leaders in Singapore when I am with you.
 
What are you busy with currently at the Boone Center for Family in Pepperdine University?
There is a renaissance in the research surrounding responsible fathering currently. The unique situations surrounding fatherhood are becoming more complex. The situations I am referring to include those faced by stepfathers, adoptive fathers, fathers of children with special needs, grandfathers fathering their grandchildren, incarcerated fathers, surrogate fathers, and the differences in fathering daughters compared to sons.
 
I have recently focused on fathering children through the adolescent years with particular attention to the different needs daughters have when compared to sons.
 
Share with us a key point which you hope that dads can take home from the DFL Conference?
If there is a key point which I wish all Singaporean fathers would understand, it is that your role as a father is indeed one of the most important jobs you will ever have. And no one, but you can activate that role in the unique way which you are privileged to do.
 
In fulfilling that role, it is especially important to model right behaviors and the virtues of healthy living. This includes behaviors that you hope your children will emulate as they mature. They include your ethics, your integrity, and your interactions with their mother, your response when you are unfairly treated, self-control, humility and altruism.
 
In addition as you model these behaviors, being accessible and emotionally warm will endow your children with strengths which they will in turn sow into your grandchildren.
 
Few if any fathers I have known, when they mature in age and are reflecting back on their families say, “I wish I would have spent more time working,” or “I wish I acquired more hobbies.” More often they say, “I wish I would have been more proactive and thoughtful, investing more time in building a close relationship with my children.”
 
What has been most challenging and satisfying for you as a dad of five children, and now as a granddad?
In reflecting over my own fathering, I have had to come to realise there are some things I would do differently if I were to start over again. There are no perfect fathers and we are all in that same boat.
 
I have found with the birth of grandchildren I have the opportunity to renew my fathering again; that is with the permission of my grandchildren’s parents. Currently I am able to give guidance, help and support in those areas which I wish I would have done a better job with my children.
 
I find great joy and satisfaction in being with my grandchildren. It is my favorite pastime, along with my wife Dee to interact, play games, listen to their ideas and just hang out with them.
 
We also love to give our children a break from the busyness of their parenting and host our grandchildren, or go care for them while their parents can get away and renew their marriage.

Loving Mom First

Below is an article I chanced upon on the Dad for Life website (dadsforlife.sg) by Dr Leslie Tay, the man behind the popular blog - ieatishootipost.

Dr Leslie Tay: Passionate Blogger, Doctor and Daddy

Learning about parenting

LESLIE Tay, doctor, food blogger and father of 2 has just completed a 6-month parenting course at the recommendation of a friend.

"I wish I had attended the course earlier. It's not that I was a bad father, but it's like using Microsoft Windows for your PC. Although you've been using it well, someone comes along and shows you the shortcuts. Wouldn't you wish you had known these shortcuts all along?

All of us are not trained to be parents. I was not trained to be a father. Books may teach you how to feed and bathe a baby, but there are other things like teaching, disciplining... we're all thrown into parenthood without any preparation. That is why I was glad I finally went for the course. My wife and I attended every Saturday for six months!"

Loving Mum first

Not only does he attend parenting courses, he helps his children feel an innate sense of security by constantly demonstrating his love and commitment towards their mother i.e. his wife.

"Ideally, men should not begin to father children until they have committed to loving their Mum. Children feel safe and secure when they have a Mum and a Dad who are committed to each other for life. I've heard of children not being able to sleep at night because they fear that their parents may separate or divorce. Parents should not revolve their lives around their children either. Rather, children should be taught that the family unit is made up of Mom and Dad; and that they are merely attachments to the family unit; and that some day, they will grow up and leave home but their family unit i.e. Mum and Dad will not disintegrate.

I try to demonstrate to my children that I really love their Mum. We would go on dates and the children would want to come along but I would say to them, "No, this is Mummy and Daddy's time together." I often kiss my wife in front of my kids, they'll go "Eek!" but I do it anyway!""Leslie is not just passionate about loving his children by loving their Mum, he is passionate about building good relationships with them too. This can be seen in the way he makes time for personal one-to-one bonding with each child.

Forging bonds with the kids

"In our generation, we want to be close to our children and be their friends. Back in my father's days, it wasn't that way. I remember how my father would refer to my Grandma as Aunty instead of Mum because they lived with his Dad's elder brother who became the patriarch of the household and whose wife was acknowledged as Mum. They were not close to each other at all.

With my children, I try to forge a bond by doing things together. Since I have the afternoon off, I would take my son out to "go blogging with Dad". He has his own camera, we would snap photos of food for the blog. My children are involved in every project that I'm involved in. My daughter is in afternoon school though, we'll have to wait till next year before I could take her out on these afternoon excursions. I'm hoping to be able to take each child out on alternate days.

For now, my daughter and I make pasta together and she loves that very much. On weekends, we would go out together as a family."

Pride for the family

Leslie also helps his children feel a sense of pride towards their family.

"Put it this way. Imagine you are a CEO, you would need to get your staff to feel proud to be part of the company, right? It's the same with kids. Sometimes when we're driving out, I would casually comment, "Ahh I'm so glad to be in this family. Aren't you glad to be a Tay?!" They would cheer along. This weekend, we are participating in a treasure hunt competiton together and we're excited to belong to the same team."

Discipline matters

Besides lavishing love, attention and devotion towards his family, Leslie remains a strict disciplinarian.

"I am quite strict with my children. I do not condone defiance. They will need to respect authority figures when they are adults; society is built on the back of families, so the best way for them to learn that behaviour is through their family, now.

If my son were to spill a glass of milk by swiping it off the table, that would be carelessness. But if I had instructed him to move the glass of milk to the middle of the table so it doesn't spill, and he openly defies the instruction, he will be punished for the defiance."

On how he feels about being a Dad, "Children are such a joy to be with. I would never want to be a bachelor nor would I ever want to be married without kids!"