No Duck Tours for Dylan-boy

Today, Dylan's class was going on the Duck Tours as part of the National Day celebrations.

Unfortunately, Daddy is away in Shanghai, Ah Mah needs to follow Gonggong on his daily antibiotics treatment and I can't afford to take leave. As a result, the poor boy has to follow Ah Mah and Gonggong to NUH, then stay home.

We could have allowed him to go without us, but knowing our little boy, he's a sensitive one really. He will get upset seeing the other kids with parents following them. We could also opt for him to stay in the childcare centre. That would be worse, he will be alone and doing nothing.

I felt really bad. He has learnt a lot about the Duck Tours. He knows that they can go into the Singapore River and see the Marina Bay area. When I explained that he can't go on the Duck Tours, he told me, "Next time, Daddy brings Dylan, Mommy, Jiejie, Gonggong and Ah Mah to the Duck Tours. I will go excursion next time."

Not yet three, but somehow he's sensible enough to understand. He even understands Gonggong's condition and never once cries for Gonggong to carry him. He also takes extra care not to go too near his grandfather. However, he still remembers to remind me to check with the doctor to see if Gonggong is well enough to carry him.

Small pockets of bad luck

Mommy has urinary tract infection and went to see doctor yeye today. Luckily doctor yeye said it's just mild infection and she'll be fine after five days of antibiotics.

Tonight, Daddy's car left hind tire punctured. Luckily he was very near Clementi and managed to stop his car in a parking lot at a nearby carpark. More lucky is that his insurance coverage allowed for free onsite service to help him change the tire. Mommy and Daddy had to wait for the uncle from AAS to come and change the tire. So there's noone to play with us.

Farewell NUH

Gonggong is discharging today!

Good-bye NUH. We don't want to be back ever again (except for Gonggong's outpatient visits).

After today, everything will be well. Everyone will be healthy and happy!

International Friendship Day / Racial Harmony Day

Today, we are going to celebrate International Friendship Day at Little Skoolhouse.

Each class is assigned a country. Dylan's N1 class is Thailand and my K1 class is Korea.

Dylan and I both have clothings from Thailand, bought during our previous trip to Bangkok. So Dylan wore his elephant suit.

Mommy tried to buy me a hanbok - the Korean traditional dress but she can't find it at the shops at Clementi and there is not enough time to order online. So mommy bought me a new dress in red with white polka dots which I wore with my blue cardigan. In this way I'm wearing all the colours of the Korean flag!

I love my dress! Thank you mommy!

Now we are on our way to school to greet everyone "sawadee kap" and "annyeong haseyo".

Weekend without Ah Ma

Tessa and Dylan are so used to having Granny around all the time. But this weekend, Mom needs to be in hospital to accompany Dad so she stayed in Clementi by herself.

We had to come back to Sengkang so that the part-time helper can come to clean up the house and get the huge heap of clothes ironed.

The kids went with their usual routine of Shichida, swimming and Tessa's ballet class. Of course we had to include a trip to the hospital to see the kids' beloved Gonggong.

公公的烦恼

老爸生病入院以来一直感慨人老不中用, 生病只会拖累人。

今天, 我们一起在病房观看第8波道重播的«孤男寡女»。剧中刚好有一幕是陈澍承和向云在讨论两人各自的病症和他们怎么给孩子添麻烦。

陈澍承说: 人老了就是一直给孩子添麻烦。

老爸回应道: 就是咯!

不久后, 他又对我说: 对不起, 给你添麻烦了。害得我眼泪忍不住在眼睛里打转。

好不容易才说出: 小时候你照顾我, 辛苦赚钱养我, 你有嫌麻烦吗? 没有。现在这样, 算什么麻烦?

其实老爸这次入院我很自责, 平常没有好好注意过他, 关心他的身体状况。希望他今后能身体健康, 我还要带他爬长城, 让他圆当好汉的梦想。

Learning about diabetes

Although dad did not show much emotions, I know he's very affected by his newly diagnosed diabetic condition.

He felt slightly frustrated when the nurse manager came round to teach him how to inject insulin and check his own blood sugar level. Even more so when the dietician came shortly after to want to teach him to count his sugar intake and how to watch his diet.

To him, diabetes is something new and sounded terminal. It's like he's been sentenced to life imprisonment. He lamented that he's better off dead.

I told him diabetes is prevalent in Singapore. It's not the end of the world, but the start of a changed lifestyle. For the better.

I told mom to be more understanding and patient towards Dad. Give him time and he will soon adapt to his new lifestyle. We need to encourage him to stay positive and love life more than ever.

Hubby said that it actually will get all of us to practise healthy habits. If we change our diet together with him, he will not feel so bad.

I know dad will be moody and impatient for a start, coupled with the need to come back to the hospital daily for antibiotics.

Mental note to self: breathe, be patient, smile.

Gonggong in surgery

Dad has been in surgery since noon. I have been pacing up and down the corridor outside the OT since 3pm. Status showed that he's out of operation and is at the recovery room. I waited and waited till I'm cold, frightened and having wild thoughts.

I decided to head back to the room (where mom was) to wait. Shortly past 4pm, I got a call to say that dad will be pushed back to his ward.

When we finally saw him, he was awake and alert. After the nurses transferred him to his bed, they fussed over him to check his vital stats. A group of doctors came in to check on him and informed that the operation went well. There is a tube and bottle still attached to drain the pus. They informed that he'll soon feel pain which the nurses will give him painkillers.

After the doctors left, dad's first question was 'how is the operation?' We told him that the doctor said it went well. He told mom that he didn't know and remember a thing about the operation. That is of course as he's under general anesthesia. He added, "鬼门关走一圈回来了。"

Soon he felt pain especially when he coughed. Nurse asked him to rate his pain score on a scale of 1 to 10 and he said 10. So the nurse gave him two types of painkiller.

A while later the pain subsided and he was able to drink some clear soup.

As I watched mom fed dad soup, I realized my heart is not thumping hard like before. I was no longer nervous and scared. There's a renewed sense of calm and confidence that everything will be ok.

Scan results: Liver abscess

I was feeling extremely nervous the whole night. The next morning, mom and I went to the hospital. I went to the patient service centre to complete the admission process as well as request a room upgrade to a single bedder. Mom went in to see dad first. 
I called her to check on dad's condition while waiting for my turn, mom said Dad had an ice pack over his head and the nurse told mom his fever went as high as 40.1 degrees in the middle of the night. When I saw him, he looked awfully pale and unwell. They have put him on a drip and started administering antibiotics.
The doctor checked with me if there's a family history of liver cancer and asked if he's been yellowish with jaundice. That really scared me to near death.
Late morning he was brought away for a CT scan. The scan took quite some time. Agonizing.
More agonizing is the wait for the radiologist report. It took forever. Finally an Indian doctor conveyed the scan results to me. What he said almost got me crying buckets.
He said the scan showed a big liver abscess 5cm. Worrying as it is quite big. As the pus may burst causing infection to spread to other organs. I've read that it is life threatening as the infection can even go to the brain. Dad will need surgery asap. He also added that dad most likely.has diabetes and they'll need to start him on insulin.  The way the doctor looked as he spoke to me is like my dad is in serious condition.
He ended by saying that they'll call the surgeon to fill me in with more information.
Later we were told that the surgeon is in OT and will come by.once his surgery is over. In the meantime I found out more about liver abscess.
Pyogenic liver abscess is a pus-filled area in the liver.
There are many potential causes of liver abscesses, including:
* Abdominal infection such as appendicitis, diverticulitis, or a perforated bowel
* Infection in the blood
* Infection of the bile draining tubes
* Recent endoscopy of the bile draining tubes
* Trauma that damages the liver
The most common bacteria that cause liver abscesses are:
-   Bacteroides
-   Enterococcus
-   Escherichia coli
-   Klebsiella pneumoniae
-   Staphylococcus aureus
-   Streptococcus
In most cases, more than one type of bacteria is found.
Symptoms include:
- Chest pain (lower right)
- Clay-colored stools
- Dark urine
- Fever, chills
- Loss of appetite
- Nausea, vomiting
- Pain in right upper abdomen (more common) or throughout the abdomen (less common)
- Unintentional weight loss
- Weakness
Tests may include:
- Abdominal CT scan
- Abdominal ultrasound
- Bilirubin blood test
- Blood culture for bacteria
- Complete blood count (CBC)
- Liver biopsy
- Liver function tests
Treatment usually consists of placing a tube through the skin to drain the abscess. Less often, surgery is required. You will also receive antibiotics for about 4 - 6 weeks. Sometimes, antibiotics alone can cure the infection.

This condition can be life threatening for some patients. The risk for death is higher in people who have many liver abscesses.

Finally the surgeon came, he spoke to the nurses briefly before going beside dad. The first thing he said to dad was "uncle, don't worry you are going to be OK."

That was the best thing I've heard all day!!!

He later explained that dad will need a surgery to drain out the pus. After that he will need to be on antibiotics for 6 to 8 weeks. But he don't see that there will be complications after that.

He said that surgery can be done in two ways. One is through a catherer method done under CT scan by radiologist which requires only local anesthesia. The other is a key hole surgery done by the surgeon under general anesthesia. He informed that there is currently a research study that's going on whereby patients will be randomized to undergo a particular method.

Not long after the surgeon (later I found out that he's Dr Shridhar) left, a research assistant came to explain the research study. It is on a voluntary basis and we can choose not to participate and decide on our preferred method of pus drainage. Dad wanted the surgery method and so it was decided as such.
The research assistant will inform the surgeon and they will schedule the operation as soon as possible; most likely tomorrow morning.
Dad was finally given the green light to eat. The poor man has not eaten anything for more than 30 hours. Mom and I went to buy him some bread and red bean soup. He managed to eat some red bean soup.

We were told that dad can be transferred to his new ward at Kent Ridge wing, ward 5A bed 10. The porter came and we were finally moving to a more private space just as the next door neighbour's party was about to start.

I was actually more concerned about cross infection than noise and privacy.

Once Dad settled down in the new ward, we went home to rest and prepare ourselves for an even longer and nerve-wrecking day tomorrow.

Yet another challenge

You won't believe how unlucky one can get.

The day I returned to work after my medical leave (15 July), I received a call from mom at around 3pm saying that Dad is feeling very unwell. He's been unwell for two weeks. The day of my D&C surgery we almost sent him to hospital fearing that he may have a stroke.

He was having fever on and off; and was shivering uncontrollably. When mom took him to the doctor, he was unable to walk steadily and was even not able to articulate his conditions to the doctor. But doctor said those symptoms should be due to the fever.

For a while his fever came down and we thought all is well. Some days he was even able to go out, and get household chores done. But subsequently he developed a bad cough and complained of pain in his tummy. He went to the doctor again and was treated for his cough.

The weekend before, he was still able to do housework. Then came Monday when I was due back at work, his condition deteriorated.

That morning, he sent the kids to school with mom. Then according to mom, all of a sudden he turned pale and weak. They had wanted to go consult a different doctor, but he was unable to walk. So they went home. Mom suggested to him again to go to the hospital. And this time round, to our surprise, he agreed!

So mom called me to inform me. I took a cab from work to pick them up at home for NUH A&E.

We waited nearly 45 minutes before we get to see the nurse at the triage. By then, Dad was shivering badly. The nurse took his blood pressure which was extremely high. He also took the blood sugar level and that was high too!

Immediately, the nurse ordered xray and blood test for him to check for infection. We were not allowed to be with him, and were told they will call to update me.

We waited for more than an hour before we received a call from a doctor to say that Dad has infection and will need to be admitted. They will call us again when a bed is available.

It was past 9pm that we got a call to say Dad is in the ward. Ward 42 bed 32. They had put him in a 6-bedder without consulting us.

We went to see him at his ward. He was not shivering but looked awfully pale and weak. We waited to speak to a doctor who said that Dad has infection and they need to run more scans and tests the next day. We left him to the care of the nurses and left.

I was awfully nervous and frightened. What followed was a long night. The fear of the unknowns ahead almost crippled me. Not to mention also the guilt of having to be away from work again. Pray, wish and hope.... Please let all be well...

Chocolate banana cake with chocolate ganache

Today we attempted to bake from scratch. It was a challenging task for Tessa and I, being amateur bakers and without a proper electric oven.

We followed the recipe and instructions very carefully. Weighing each ingredient carefully on our brand new digital weighing scale.

This is the recipe. 

Ingredients:
Chocolate Banana Cake:
2 cups (400 grams) granulated white sugar
1 3/4 cups (245 grams) all-purpose flour
3/4 cup (75 grams) unsweetened cocoa powder (regular or Dutch-processed)
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 large eggs
1 cup mashed ripe bananas (about 2 medium sized bananas)
1 cup (240 ml) warm water
1/2 cup (120 ml) milk
1/2 cup (120 ml) corn, safflower or canola oil (or other flavorless oil)
1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

Chocolate Ganache Frosting:
8 ounces (227 grams) semisweet or bittersweet chocolate, cut into small pieces
3/4 cup (180 ml) heavy whipping cream
1 tablespoon (14 grams) unsalted butter

Instructions:
Chocolate Banana Cake: 
1) Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (180 degrees C) and place rack in the center of the oven. Butter, or spray with a non stick vegetable spray, a 9 x 13 inch (23 x 33 cm) pan. Set aside.
2) In a large bowl whisk together the sugar, flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.
3) In another large bowl, whisk together the eggs, mashed bananas, water, milk, oil, and vanilla extract.
4) Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and stir, or whisk, until combined. You will notice that the batter is quite thin. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake for about 35 to 40 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center of the cake comes out clean.
5) Remove from oven and let cool on a wire rack. When completely cooled, frost with the Ganache.

Ganache: 
1) Place the chopped chocolate in a medium sized stainless steel, or heatproof bowl. Set aside.
2) Heat the cream and butter in a medium sized saucepan over medium heat (can also be heated in the microwave). Bring just to a boil.
3) Immediately pour the boiling cream over the chocolate and allow to stand for 5 minutes. Stir until smooth.
4) When Ganache has completely cooled, beat until soft and fluffy (I use a wire whisk). Then spread the frosting on top of the cake.

We made a 6" cake and still have batter left for 5 cupcakes.

Mom and Tessa each ate a cupcake. Mom said no banana taste and cake is quite tasteless. Tessa initially insisted that the cake is yummy. After half way through her cupcake, she had to agree that there's not much taste.

Problems:
1) I thought there is too much sugar in the recipe so I cut down slightly. Cake turn out not sweet enough.
2) Our baking tin is a lot smaller so I tried to fill it up as much as I can. Not enough space in our airfryer for the cake to rise. So top is burnt, ugly and out of shape.
3) Our bananas are overly ripe, become quite wet when mashed. The bananas are not fragrant enough; lack taste.

Lessons learnt:
1) Never try to act smart and change the recipe
2) Buy an oven. A Sona brand 28 litre one is now at a promotional price of $69.90. Will make a worthwhile investment I think.
3) Also invest in a hand mixer. I think I don't necessarily need all that arm exercise.
4) TV should not be turned on (all because of Dylan). The little baker get too distracted.

But I think it's still not too bad an attempt, considering we did everything from scratch.

SAHM no more

The part that I enjoyed about this period of medical leave is being able to spend quality time with Tessa and Dylan.

My medical leave ends today. I will be going back to work on Monday. I won't get the chance to send them to school and pick them home.

Today their center was closed as it's their staff development day. So I took the opportunity to bring mom and the kids out shopping. We took the LRT and MRT to Dhoby Ghaut; and spend the afternoon at Plaza Singapura.

The kids enjoyed ice-cream, fries and coke at Macdonald's. We went shopping for stuff for everyone!

The dynamic duo used up their energy by around 3pm so we headed home. Both fell asleep on the train journey back. Mom and I had a back breaking job of taking turns to carry the little boy who's sound asleep. Fortunately we managed to wake Tessa up.

By the time we were home, both were wide awake and energetic again!

On our way to school

It's been a while since I last got the chance to bring the kids to school.

I know I should perhaps be resting at home but I really enjoy the morning journey to school by bus and the leisurely walk with them.

The evening trip home can be a little nightmarish because of the crowd, but it's still enjoyable listening to the kids talk about their day on our way home. I really cherish all these moments with my darlings.

It's especially enjoyable watching them walk hand in hand; with Tessa warning her brother about steps and rough surfaces. So heartwarming.

我家两个小可爱

人工流产后, 身体有些虚弱, 手术后的第二天喉咙, 颈部和肩膀酸痛得不得了。腹部也有些疼痛; 辗转无法入眠。第三天更糟糕, 胃气涨, 灼热疼痛难耐。晚上更是觉得胸口闷闷的, 喘不过气来。

今天已经是手术后的第五天, 疼痛已经逐渐消失, 但还是觉得有些虚弱和疲惫。可能是因为晚上睡得不好的缘故。

这段期间真的要感谢丈夫和爸妈的扶持和照顾。家里两个小宝贝是支持我努力复原的最佳良药。看着他们我可以忘记疼痛, 忘记辛苦, 忘记悲伤。

Baking with Tessa

Tessa loves watching baking videos on YouTube. She is also curious about Junior Master Chef/Baker. We have wanted to sign her up for baking workshops, but never got down to doing it.

At the back of my mind, I keep reminding myself to fulfil her dream of trying her hands at baking. I was on medical leave even before the miscarriage, so I decided to venture across our Clementi place to Phoon Huat while they sell all kinds of baking supplies.

Inspired by my window shopping trip, I started searching and copying recipes online. Finally, we tried our hands at baking chocolate chip cookies last Saturday (29 June). It was quite a success I must say, despite the fact that we don't have a conventional oven. We baked using the amazing Philips airfryer!

The cookies turned out not pretty but yummy. Tessa was so proud that she was going around sharing the cookies with her cousins and  friends.

Today, we up the challenge by baking a birthday brownie cake for Lao Ma and Georgie gonggong.

I went to Phoon Huat to buy the necessary baking apparatus like measuring cup, spoons, baking tin, whisk etc.

We used ready brownie mix which made things really easy and straight forward. Tessa helped me measured 1/4 cup of water and 1/4 cup of oil; which she poured carefully into the cake mix. I then added an egg and we started to stir to blend in the mixture. Tessa was happy to stir and find the mixture turning into a brown sticky mix.

We wanted to test bake the brownie in two paper cups. They turned out to be two wonderful, yummy brownie cupcakes! Dylan ate up his portion and asked for more! Tessa was delighted at how delicious the brownie turned out to be.

We scooped the rest of the mixture into the baking tin and I put the tin in the airfryer for 35 minutes.

While the brownie is baking, I got Tessa to work on the cake decor. I cut out pieces of art card and had Tessa drawn and wrote on them. Tessa put in good efforts to decorate them. When she's done, I taped toothpicks to the cards so that we can place the little signages on the cake later.

The cake turned out pretty. We delivered to Lao Ma in the evening as everyone else is out for a dinner appointment. We wanted to give her a surprise and keep her company. We served the cake with strawberry ice-cream. Yumz!!!

Fallen angel

Two days ago (2 July), I was told that baby at exactly 10 weeks had no heart beat. Dr Anna and another doctor confirmed this through the transabdominal scan.

Hubby was in Shanghai at that time. I called him and cried the news to him.

Dr Anna arranged a D&C to clean the uterus on 4 July.

As much as I want the news to sink in, a part of me is hanging on hope that she may still be alive. What if it's a misdiagnosis? What if she's just lethargic? What if.... But I know I've to trust the doctors and my own eyes. She isn't moving and hasn't grown.

Hubby flew back the next day to be with me on the day of the surgery. I feel so sorry towards him. He is the positive one telling me that this baby though unexpected is definitely a precious gift from god.

We have made plans for her arrival.

The Gloomy 4th of July
My surgery was scheduled at 830am in the morning. I was told to be at NUH Day Surgery Centre by 645am.

I tossed and turned the whole night. I was just dozing off when the alarm clock went off at 5am. Snoozed for a while and got up at 515am to take the two Cytotec tablets that were given to me to take three hours before surgery.

I showered then woke Hubby up. While waiting for him to get ready, I keep myself occupied with the latest issue of Readers' Digest. The tummy cramps started to build up.

We left the house at around 615am. Mom, Dad and the kids were still asleep.

We stopped by MacDonalds along the way for Hubby to grab his breakfast.

As I was sitting alone in the car waiting for Hubby, I started crying and talking to my baby inside me. I wish she could hear me. I am sorry that I couldn't save her. I'm sorry that at times when I feel so sick, I've thought of giving up. But deep down, I was looking forward to her arrival. I wanted to name her Adele and 雨恩. I've made plans for her arrival. I've imagined her to have the beautiful eyes of Tessa and the sweetest smile of Dylan. But I guess I'm not good enough to deserve her. I hope she'll get reincarnated to a wonderful family that loves her; and be the most happy and healthy child. I really wish I could have held her in my arms, hug and kiss her.

Hubby's presence gave me a lot of strength and comfort. It warms my heart hearing him say that I'm most important and he's just worried about my health.

When we arrived at the day surgery centre, we had to take a queue number and wait for our turn to register. Our queue number is 1008.

After registration, we waited a while more before being led to the day surgery ward. We have requested for a private room, but they ran out of that room type and upgraded us to a suite. Inside Suite 8, I was given a gown and a robe and told to change.

The nurse then explained to us the procedures. I will be wheeled to the operating theatre at the main building. The anesthesist will explain the procedures to me at the OT. Operation will take around half an hour. After the op, I will be resting and monitored at the recovery ward for around an hour or so before being transferred back to the suite to rest and continued be monitored.

At slightly past 8am, an assistant came with the surgical bed and I was transferred over, and wheeled to the OT. Hubby followed as he can wait at the visitors lounge and be updated of my whereabouts.

As I was wheeled, I lay staring out of the windows. It was cloudy and gloomy outside. Grey and gloomy. I am bidding farewell to my unborn today. Hubby kept telling me not to be scared as he's with me. Actually I'm not afraid at all. I'm feeling very calm and composed, just sad. The pain from the surgery is nothing compared to the pain of losing my baby.

With a reassuring kiss from Hubby,  I was separated from him to embark on my first ever surgery. I was curious of how the OT is like. I've only seen one on TV. As I moved through the forbidden OT premises I saw many people in scrubs and caps.

I was first stopped at the recovery bay area where at least 4 people came to ask me the exact same questions:
- What's your full name?
- What's your NRIC number?
- any drug allergies?
- any medical conditions like asthma?
- when's the last time you eat and drink?
- are you wearing contact lens?
- any loose tooth, dentures or implants?

The anesthesist Dr Poon came to explain the GA procedures. She will inject a local anesthesia into my left hand to put in a drip. Medication will then be injected through the drip. I may feel tingling sensation up my arm as the medication flows down. I will be given a oxygen mask. The operation will only begin after I'm asleep.

Dr Anna also came to reassure me that it's god's way of rejecting foetus that is not viable.

After the rounds of questions and answers and instructions, I was finally wheeled to the OT.

At the OT where the surgery is going to take place, I was told to transfer over to the operating table. The table is actually heated and warms my body. Another anesthesist who introduced herself as Vivian told me to relax as they fussed over me. Dr Poon started to give me the local anesthesia and also put in the drip. Pain.

Vivian placed tapes on my body to monitor my vital stats throughout the operation. She told me that they will put a tube down my throat later to aid breathing. Then she places the oxygen mask on my face. I saw Dr Anna and heard her ask if she can start. The last thing I remembered was Vivian asking me to take deep breaths and keep my eyes open wide. She then injected some stuff into the drip. Then....

I heard the nurse called my name "Joanna! The operation is over!" and woke up. I'm back at the recovery bay area cubicle #4. I was at #5 earlier on. The nurse told me they need to continue monitor my blood pressure and heart beat before transferring me back to the suite to rest.

I realized they have removed my surgical cap and have moved me from the operating table back to the bed. I didn't know a thing. Amazing.

A short while later, I was ready to be pushed back to the ward. Once out of the OT, Hubby was waiting outside. I reassured him that I felt fine.

Back at the suite, the nurse informed that they need to still monitor blood pressure and heart beat. If I feel well in a while, she'll give me some milo to drink.

Two nurses helped to change my sanitary pad. Only then did I realize that I'm not wearing the disposable panty anymore but only had a maternity sanitary tied to me. Blood stained my robe and mattress cover.

I could feel blood coming out as if I'm having menses and some slight pain in the tummy and back. Otherwise I'm quite well and alert.

The nurse asked if I'm ready for some milo which I gladly accepted.

I finished two packets of cream crackers with the cup of milo. Nice and warm.

Around 11am, an O&G doctor came to check on me. He pressed on my tummy and I could feel the blood gush out. He also checked the amount of bleeding and said that I'm ready to go home. He asked the nurse to change my pad and left.

The nurse came in and asked if I feel nauseous. I said no but I think I'll need a change of sanitary pad and go toilet if possible. So the nurse helped me to the toilet. Since my robe is soiled, she said I can change into my own clothes if I want to. She helped me change and I felt cleaner and more decently wrapped up.

Hubby was out buying lunch and was surprised to find me all dressed up when he returned. As Hubby digs into his packet of vegetarian bee hoon, I started to feel hungry too.

After he finished his food, Hubby very kindly offered to buy me chicken mayo sandwich.

While waiting for Hubby and the green light to go home, I watched Matrix Reloaded on HBO.

Hubby came back with chicken mayo on ciabatta bread. I ate half of the sandwich and felt very satisfied.

At around 1245pm, we were finally heading home with my MC and prescribed paracetamol.

Overall, it wasn't as bad as one might think. But it's definitely emotionally devastating.

Hubby said we got to put this episode behind and move on with our life. He told me to focus on nursing myself back to good health.

As much as I know I need to let go and move on, I'll never forget this gloomy day when my baby is forever separated from me.