Another blackout

It’s very scary. I was really scared this time round.

I was on my way to work this morning. I woke up feeling alright, so I was quite confident that I could survive the MRT ride to work. I’m even brave enough to be lugging my laptop and a box of mooncakes with me.

All went well initially. The LRT ride was fine. I decided to take the MRT to Punggol in order to secure a seat and I did. I settled down comfortably. But soon, the nightmare started. The train got crowded as early as Sengkang. It got so crowded that I started to find it hard to breathe. I was fighting hard for some precious oxygen. In my mind, I kept telling myself “it’s alright, as soon as when most people alight at Dhoby Ghaut, everything will be fine.”

I started to count the stops - Potong Pasir, Boon Keng, Farrer Park, Little India… I began to feel sweat all over my body. At Dhoby Ghaut, the crowd cleared out, but I did not. My vision started to blur and I was sweating profusely. It lasted from Dhoby Ghaut to Clarke Quay to Chinatown. I’ve not have fainting spells that lasted so long. At Outram, I thought I am really going to faint. I imagined the people around me dialing for the ambulance. I held on tightly to the hand rail beside me for fear of falling forward.

I didn’t dare to alight at Outram, so I sat put and wait for the “clouds” to clear. It was only when the MRT pulled to a complete stop at HarbourFront that I felt my consciousness returning. I staggered out of the MRT and slammed down onto the stone seat on the deck. I sat for a long time. How long exactly? I don’t know.

It was only until I feel well enough and confident enough that I can continue my way that I started to walk slowly out of the MRT station. I made my way slowly to the McDonald’s at HarbourFront Centre and got myself a hot drink.

Recuperated, I finally took a cab to office. Now I really admire myself for being able to pull that feat, all alone and with 2 heavy loads.

But the entire ordeal is really scary. What if I’ve really blacked out completely?

太早？

最近我常常会想：宝宝是不是来得太早了？当然，这由不得我们操控。G一直说早点有第一胎对我们是好的。那是因为他一直希望我们能有至少3个孩子。

我的个性不好，常会胡思乱想、杞人忧天。我会担心说自己有没有心理准备当妈妈。我会是个称职的妈妈吗？我和G真的知道、能够适应有了孩子后的日子吗？我们对即将作出的牺牲做好准备了吗？

我也很担心肚子里的胎儿，不知道它长得好不好？能够摄取足够的营养吗？万一胎儿的发育出现了问题怎么办？

我真的希望自己可以是一个糊涂的准妈妈，什么也不担忧，只是一味地开心地等待小生命的来临。我真的希望可以做个快乐的准妈妈。但为什么这么难？

Lazy bum

The pregnancy is turning me into the laziest person I’ve ever known.

I feel sleepy most of the time. And of those rare hours when I feel slightly more awake, none of the bones and muscles in me wish to move. I just love to tug myself warmly in bed and be immobile.

Even now as I sit at my desk, I’m counting down to the time when I can get home and hit the bed. Really bad.

There were many things I’ve wanted to do, or rather, wish I had the energy to do:
1) Pack and organize my things at home
2) Send our wedding photos to print
3) Go shopping for some maternity wear
4) Meet up with friends for tea
5) Go for a walk or cycling at East Coast Park

Hopefully, I will get to all these soon…

Heartbeat

Today went to see the gynae again. Dr Anna wanted to be sure that the foetus is doing fine as miscarriages are common during the first trimester. She checked for the foetus’ heartbeat.

As soon as she places the scanner on my tummy, we can hear loud thumping. 160 beats per minute! Wow! Amazing. Dr Anna said this means the foetus is doing well!

Only problem is… Mummy can’t afford to lose more weight.

Hubby gave his orders for me to eat, eat and eat.

Alright… will try my best.

呕吐的好处

近日发现原来呕吐是有好处的。

最近常常会感觉胸口发闷，觉得有一股胀气滞留在胃里，让我想要作呕。同时，头发昏、手脚发冷、昏昏沉沉的，全身上下难受极了。这时，最好的解决方法是钻进厕所里，朝着马桶猛吐，把胃里的一切掏空之后就会感觉特别轻松、舒服。

矛盾

即将要升级做妈妈的心情是……七上八下。

当我吐得死去活来、晕得只见星光时，我好想能够过一天“正常”的日子。

今天，胃口好象回来了、头也不怎么晕了，我反而担心是不是肚子里的胎儿出现了什么问题。

唉，怎么办？